i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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