I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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