Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
