Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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