when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
