You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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