Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
