A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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