Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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