i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
