You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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