Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

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(714): View more from California

i perioded on his leg

(714): View more from California

on. his. leg.

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(708): View more from Illinois

sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful

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(719): View more from Colorado

There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.

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(785): View more from Kansas

My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

Fav 3 925 645
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(613): View more from Ontario

I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...

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