Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
they need to just BURY HIM!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
