dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
