Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
your room smells of hookers.
And success
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did I show you my penis last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
