It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
