I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
