Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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