i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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