What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
