put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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