..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
