This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
