The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
