I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My pussy is not your playground.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
