That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
