it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
