Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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