Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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