I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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