its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize