He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
