my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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