Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
