Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
