I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
