They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
