I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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