Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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