I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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