My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
