Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
