I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
