its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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