I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
