you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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