Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
