She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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