Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
