Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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