omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
