the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
