Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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