It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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