Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
