She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
