I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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