apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
