just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
