If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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