thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
