PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
