I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
