My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
