if only i could text you this smell
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize