yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
