it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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