in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My bed smells like the plague
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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