Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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