so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
