I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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