Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
