just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
