He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
