Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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