Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
