Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
